My lay-led church held a service that invited congregants to write an essay on "This I Believe."
Here's mine.
I believe in astrology as a method of self-discovery.
I have been a student of astrology since I first knew it
existed. Like many teenagers, I was confused about my place in the world, in my
school, even in my family. Why did I watch so much TV and read books
constantly? Why did I wish I were invisible as a freshman, finally find (goofy)
friends as a sophomore, become a hippie in my junior year, then fall in love
with The Cinema as a senior?
Was there an explanation for why I was a kind and a rude
person, why was I moody and adventurous? Why was I born into this family? If I
were a writer, who’d read my stories? I loved reading, but who’d pay me to
read? Why do I ask so many damn questions!?
There are many who say astrology is a lot of hooey. It’s not
scientifically provable. The stars have moved since they were first assigned
zodiac symbols, they say, so now I was born under a different sign with
different characteristics. There’s no way a hunk of rock like Pluto, that isn’t
even a planet any more, that’s at its closest 2.6 billion miles away, has any
influence on humans on Earth.
I’m not an astrophysicist, so it may be true – but I don’t
care. I’m a Pisces.
Generally speaking, and this is something I identify with,
people born when the sun is in Pisces have faith, not facts. They have a sense
that this world is not all that we humans experience in a lifetime. They feel
that in spite of everything they see there’s an order and unity to human
experience that can’t always be perceived with five senses.
Ironically, some Pisceans are scientists, like Copernicus,
Linus Pauling, BF Skinner, Einstein.
But there’s more to astrology than just having a Pisces sun.
With tables I found in books I discovered where the planets were the day I was
born. They are charted in 12 divisions called houses, and houses represent aspects
of personal and public life such as family, partnerships, career, as well as
the subconscious – what’s hidden and unknown, the secrets, the shadow side.
This is my natal chart. I learned that the moon and Mars
were in the constellation Aries, the Ram. The qualities of those two celestial
positions in my 11th house, the house of associations and groups,
indicate many friends, courage, bossiness, abruptness, arrogance, initiative,
leadership, foot-in-mouth disease, etc. I can identify with those qualities. But
it also means ambition and athleticism, and that’s not me!
To go deeper into the chart – the positions of the planets
in relation to each other form aspects that indicate how my Mars courage
affects and is affected by the placement of Saturn in Libra – they’re opposite
each other. So Mars, the Ram, is opposite Saturn, the planet that represents barriers. I’m ramming a wall. Is this
why I’m not ambitious or athletic? Is it why I think: Who would want to read
anything I wrote?
Fascinating.
My questions about family difficulties, relationship
disasters, and career confusion are presented to me with a perspective that
seems to make sense. (Even if it doesn’t make
sense, seeming to make sense is a
step up!)
And my anxiety about the questions about all the nebulous
things I yearn for and the mysteries I chase in my head-heart-&-soul is
alleviated by the fact that the skies tell me it’s all quite natural and in
fact correct for me to feel this way. It offers me the option to consider that
uncertainty is a good thing, fruitful and expansive.
There are many, many variables and combinations of conditions
for me to understand fully, and, science or not, there’s way too much math. I
will always be a student of astrology.
Carolyn Myss, one of my favorite authors on spiritual
topics, has said that if the creator were to provide humanity with a manual for
living, where would she put it? Perhaps somewhere that’s accessible to everyone
on the Earth, someplace nearly eternal, like the sky.
