What are you longing for?

This is the result of a writing workshop that was held at the Eat, Dance, Pray gathering in Royalston, Mass., on the weekend of July 27.

The exercise was to just write. There were words on a sheet of paper for all to see, and a question that came from a meditation between the dances that day.

“What am I longing for?”

Stream of consciousness. I’m longing for this & that & good health end to bad habits, clean living, honor to my self & help for my soul and I’m longing for the end to curiosity that only satisfies my curiosity I’m longing for what’s deeply held in my soul so I can forward to whatever’s next. I don’t long for any thing except hot sex w/M. and home and freedom from money worries, security, good health in my old age Longing for Balance in how I live on the world and how I could possibly be the divine spiritual being I’m told I am. I don’t want to long for much except fresh air & summer & end of worry times and places in the sun where I can ride my bike without tiring my knees, without getting hot, without traffic – with speed & beauty for all around me and freshness. I’m longing to live alone and with someone. I’m longing for solitude and an end to loneliness. I’m longing for peace & quiet and open arms. Laughter & music & quiet & peace

What else am I longing for – prayers from my heart that are mine alone and to share. I’m longing to dance like nobody’s watching with everybody watching. I’m longing for feast and famine. I’m longing for independence and commitment. I’m longing for outer space and a cozy place to hide I’m longing to be alive/awake & dead/gone. I’m longing for a freedom and responsibility. I’m longing to live with an angel and a devil I’m longing for nothing and for Riches. For connection and freefall. For Stars and sunshine. For ocean & desert. I’m longing for love & release. For sleep and dancing. For wisdom and innocence. Light & Dark. Sweet & Sour. One Thing and Every Thing.

Wondering About Prayer

Ellen, how do you pray?

Not often enough. I feel a bit guilty about that.

At night, before I sleep, I say the Lord’s Prayer, then “Thank you God for another beautiful day of life, love, and light on our planet.” “Our” means God’s and mine, and humanity’s.

Three Hs: “Thank you for my home, my health, and my ex-husband.” It used to be ‘husband.’
Three Fs: “Thank you for my friends, my family, my future.”
Then I go into details: “Thank you for Tom, and Lucy, and Max, and Zen, and all my coworkers,
and … “
I will thank God for my car, my income, my job, etc.
To change the subject, I say: “If it be thy will, in a perfect way through Christ, and for the good of everyone, please …” and I ask for healing light and/or grace for people who need it: Greg, Sal and Linda down the hall, Les, sick/lonely/neglected children, etc.
I ask the universe to bless Tom & Lucy, everyone they come in contact with, and everyone who watches over them.
I don’t know if this would count as prayer, but many times a day I say “Thank you God” for things like the water in my shower, finding my keys, my car starting, a particularly beautiful day or sky, paying bills, etc.
In the back of my mind I practice an ideal that might be a prayer, might not. I got the idea for it in this advice I read somewhere: Before you say something, ask yourself 3 questions: Is it helpful? Is it true? Is it kind? I’ve been working on integrating that into my conversation. I wonder if that would be considered prayer.
I don’t like to ask for things in prayer, except when it’s for other people.  If I were to ask God for strength, I would probably get a real challenge to test my strength.
Instead of asking, I expect, which I learned from Esther Hicks/Abraham. I expect that with help from the universe supplementing what I provide, I will have plenty of money to take care of my bills, taxes, and other physical needs. I expect protection. I expect guidance — and I’ve gotten it plenty of times without realizing it was guidance.  I expect everything will be all right, no matter what.
One more. I do like to say “Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.”